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My birthday has come!
May 9th. Again this year, I received red roses from my daughter together with white Casa Blanca lilies.

Last year, 100 roses sent by air from Tokyo had withered before blooming because of fatigue of traveling.
My desperate efforts of cutting the stems in water to keep the flowers fresh were useless, which let me greatly down.
This year, the roses looked vigorous, which seemed she ordered them from a local flower shop, and again they brought bright morning to me today.

At this age, innocent joy of the birthday fades. We notice that we have reached the age to count the remaining lifetime. If it is another 20 years left when my body is free to move, time left for me is not very long.
Having lived till now, regrets are countless. So I will try every single thing I can think of. I will carry it out. I will reduce the number of regrets.

I lost my father 25 years ago and my mother 7 years ago.
I must have nursed them as best I could at those times. Nevertheless, I have regrets. Now my casual remark and action are strangely coming back to my mind and blaming myself. “I had no room to breathe in my heart”- would I be forgiven with such a remark?
I know both my father and mother were praying behind my back (even my father, who believed in neither God nor Buddha…). “I am not Buddha yet,” I laughed and held back my tears, but they forgave and thanked me for who I am.

I thank my father and mother, who cared and raised me.
I thank my ancestors, who delivered me into this world.
I thank everything in this interesting world – giving us a number of sadness and pain, and more joy and happiness than that.
I continue to clean their graves every month just like expiation of my sin. Also on my birthday and my brother’s birthday, I clean their graves carefully and tell them “thank you”. I feel lonely that now I can express my feeling only in this way.

Without any trouble, I have completed placing my work on Mainichi Calligraphy Exhibition!
I have many things to care for placing work on calligraphy exhibitions of the principle school. I am practically convinced that having no freedom to write uninhibitedly is a lesson.
Little rebelliousness in many rules is my only joy.

On the next day of placing my work on the exhibition, I went for a horseback ride after a long time.
And the next day, I got a fever and knocked out.
And the next next day, a chalazia appeared on my left eye.

Does this mean I should think about my age??